Why does popularity exist

Those whose professional and personal well-being suffer the most are what Prinstein calls the Rejected-Aggressives, the kids who were not only rejected but reacted to this by engaging in fights or even becoming bullies themselves. It creates a vicious cycle of increasingly lowered status and likability that can be difficult to escape. Even if an adult thinks they outgrew their problematic behavior in high school and now have a great job and a family, they are usually still hindered by their experience as a teenager.

Prinstein clarified that one's status as a teenager, for better or worse, is a strong indicator of how their adult life will unfold, but it doesn't have to be permanent.

He said that he wants people who read his book to think about their own experience with popularity as an adolescent and instead of writing it off, to understand it. When you can come to terms with who you were, you are then able to focus on who you are today. We should make "efforts to try and do things that are attentive to others' needs and to show people that we genuinely want to interact with them, not use them for our purposes," he said.

I mean, it's amazing how much we give the benefit of the doubt to likable people, and how much we are willing to do for them and how much we just naturally think good things about them. Prinstein said likability is one of "the most valuable social commodities" in all aspects of society. For you. In other words, how much is the rest of the school trying to be like the popular kids? What researchers tend to find is that, yes, popular kids do shape the behavior of the broader student body—but only to a point.

Mitch Prinstein, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of North Carolina and the author of Popular: The Power of Likability in a Status-Obsessed World , is familiar with these dynamics.

More consequentially , they also hold sway in the realms of sex, alcohol, and drugs. We need more research to test this, specifically research that looks to see if a person with more neural sensitivity to social status tends to get more popular over time. These new findings complement similar results from animal research. In one telling study , for instance, macaque monkeys were willing to give up fruit juice for the chance to look at pictures of the faces of high-status peers — but they wanted extra juice to look at low-status faces.

Taken together, these results show how popularity can spiral. Lonely people, on the other hand, may have their brains working against them, causing them to shy away from social contact that would improve their lives and make them feel better about themselves.

From a neurological and psychological perspective, then, there seems to be growing evidence that both popularity and loneliness are self-perpetuating. His latest book is Great Myths of the Brain. It can help to remember that lots of people feel insecure, even if they hide it well. For example, most adults — of both sexes — are unhappy about their weight or body shape. Try using positive self-talk.

You can learn to be friendly and likable by practicing your social skills. If you are shy, set very small goals to start with. For more help, check out these 22 tips for making small talk. Instead of trying to make friends with anyone and everyone, join groups that interest you. Make small talk with people in your classes; you already have something in common: an interest in the same subject.

For example:. I could use a coffee. Would you like to come with me? Do you want to come? In other words, they have high social status but are not truly liked or regarded as good people.

Young adults who have a small number of good friends are happier and have better mental health later in life than those who are obsessed with being popular in their class or year group. Surround yourself with people who make good choices.

However, research shows that friendly, high-achieving students are often well-liked and socially accepted. Take advantage of the fact that other students will find you interesting just because you are new.

They will probably be intrigued to learn where you are from and why you are starting at a new school. Start by chatting to people you are sitting next to in class. Try to keep the conversation light and positive. Ask them about their favorite classes and teachers, and talk about what you like about the school so far. Take cooperative classes like art, music, and PE.

Pick classes that let you talk to other students instead of sitting and working in silence. Speak up in class. Let your teachers and classmates get to know you. Set yourself a goal of asking or answering one question every period.

Viktor is a Counselor specialized in interpersonal communication and relationships. Follow on Twitter or read more. The way the world has changed is far beyond my understanding. The people of tomorrow have become the people of today and the the of today have become the people of yesterday. We are one. I feel like If reaching out happens, it is always me that does it. Makes me think that I am an inherently undesirable person, to be honest..

I am not populare and I just really want to be. But my brother might be bullyed on the bus. Dose that mean I will be bullyed even if he is younger? Will I ever be poulare? Will I not be populare because of him? PLease people help me! And that is how I will become popular, and you will too! Just try. I am popular but if I were to classify the type of popularity it will be the type of by being nice.